Up the Sunbeam

I haven't decided whether it was a good idea or not. I looked back through all of my posts for 2011. I want to hang my head and hide. Am I ashamed of the pictures I've taken or the words I've written? No. But I AM painfully ashamed that so little of what I have written has produced real change in me. Conviction is darned uncomfortable.  The Holy Spirit is doing His work to refine my stubborn heart, but oh how I squirm and chafe at the feel of it.  His quiet and steady hand is more gentle on the reins than I deserve.  I wanted to be better than this by this New Year's Day and it hurts and makes me sad and sorry and angry with myself for this disappointing result. Why is it so easy to know things and so hard to be changed by them? Where is the disconnect between what I deeply believe and what I actually do? Father, how do I take all the bits and pieces of truth, the collected lessons I've learned, written, tucked away and cataloged, and keep them...

-- I've been away. I've been away, and I've been wondering how I would wrap words around where I've been and what I've seen, and how I could possibly hope to write down this heart-full of wonder I've brought back with me. It sounds a cliche, but I truly don't know where to begin . . . there's so much . . . What began as a phone call a few months ago, offering me a gift of thoughtfulness in proportions I cannot describe, has just culminated in a week I will never forget! This gift . . . 7 days in the mountains to breathe . . . to revive . . . to refresh . . . and to take pictures to my heart's content . . . Oh! Such a gift!!! Maybe for the first time since I was their only child (my first six years), it was just me, my mom and dad, and the mountains we all are crazy about!! For this country/mountain girl living her life in the city, I couldn't have asked for anything more!! Before I left, as excited as I was (I was VERY excited), the th...

-- It's my birthday today. Two years ago, I wrote a birthday contemplation about peeling away the old to reveal the growth underneath.  I looked to the manzanita tree to visualize the process of becoming . Time went by. Ten months ago I wrote about how I was Thinking About Thinking , and praying for God to continuously untangle me from the sometimes unintentional, but destructive thinking that was determining my actions.  Time went by. At the beginning of 2011 I wrote reluctantly about my struggle with my weight and my desire to see God's strength victorious in the place of my greatest weakness and failure.  I discovered my need for a new perspective and a good attitude toward a life-long problem.  Time went by. A little over four months ago I wrote about a bizarre encounter  that held up a mirror to my heart. That mirror shockingly revealed the truth, I was my own mean girl! From the moment I realized I was actually mistreating  an Image-bea...