I haven't decided whether it was a good idea or not.
I looked back through all of my posts for 2011.
I want to hang my head and hide.
Am I ashamed of the pictures I've taken or the words I've written?
No.
But I AM painfully ashamed that so little of what I have written has produced real change in me.
Conviction is darned uncomfortable. The Holy Spirit is doing His work to refine my stubborn heart, but oh how I squirm and chafe at the feel of it. His quiet and steady hand is more gentle on the reins than I deserve. I wanted to be better than this by this New Year's Day and it hurts and makes me sad and sorry and angry with myself for this disappointing result.
Why is it so easy to know things and so hard to be changed by them?
Where is the disconnect between what I deeply believe and what I actually do?
Father, how do I take all the bits and pieces of truth, the collected lessons I've learned, written, tucked away and cataloged, and keep them in top-of-the-mind priority and make my flesh obey them? How do I know everything I know all the time, and not just with a keyboard under my fingers? How do I integrate the lessons You teach me into the me that walks around and lives and speaks and makes choices?
"Nevertheless once the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead lives within you he will, by that same Spirit, bring to your whole being new strength and vitality." Romans 8:11 PHILLIPS
Yes, please!! Oh, YES PLEASE!!
2011 is history. 2012 is brand new and unknown.
2011 has been filled with good gifts, the
ONE THOUSAND graces I've counted and many more that I enjoyed. 2011 taught me truth upon truth about God and about myself. 2011 has been a gift through and through. It will only be by the work of the Holy Spirit in me and my cooperation with His hand on the reins that I become anything in 2012 that I'm not right this minute.
As a writer, I never fully know whether my words are having impact or not. The precious comments you leave me are such a blessing and they encourage my heart more than you know. But as lovely as they
truly are to me, it is up to you and God where it goes from there, and I will most likely not know about it. I always pray that you find something of lasting value when you come here to read--I am so humbled that you do come. That being said, God alone really knows what He chooses to do through my loaves-and-fishes offerings in the blogosphere. What I do know is that the things I learn, the things I write are most definitely intended to change
me, to impact
me, to cause
me to move from where I am to where the Holy Spirit's work is taking me.
I pray for myself, for you my beloved readers, and for each of us who offer our words to God and to one another through this amazing medium, that we would always be the ones most changed and strengthened by the words we write, the lessons we share, the truth we communicate. I pray that our lives would speak louder than our blogs and that the changes in us would long outlast our words.
May your 2012 be filled with the wonder of walking ever closer with our matchless God!
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Joining Ann Voskamp in counting His graces for her Multitudes on Monday
I hope you'll join in if you haven't already!
In the counting of the endless gifts I say with C. S. Lewis,
#971-1000!!!
971. An outside-the-box morning at church! I loved it!
972. Unpacking memories with 24 years worth of Christmas ornaments
973. Dipping my toes in the water of a new thing
974. Feeling nervous and excited at the same time
975. Knowing that those feelings of conviction mean the Holy Spirit is working in me
976. Hero Husband's surprise of an outdoor fireplace!! An early Christmas present!
977. I could list it everyday--Peet's Coffee--the coffee, the place, the times we share there!
978. Togetherness!
979. The sound the knife makes when you slice an onion that sounds like skis cutting into snow
980. The deep breath a yawn brings with it
981. Saturday morning NFL football and a just-barely Raider win
982. Hero Husband to my rescue--always my knight in shining armor!
983. Christmas Eve dinner at Frankie, Johnny & Luigi's with Hero Husband's side of the family!
984. Time at home together, the four of us--precious beyond measure!
985. Watching Curly Top
into the wee hours, wrapping presents and stuffing stockings
986. Extraordinarily thoughtful children
987. Children who enjoy and appreciate the gifts they receive, and say so!
988. A Christmas Day unhurried, unscripted, uninterrupted!
989. Roast Beef with Yorkshire Pudding--my first time ever making it myself! Success!!
990. Scalloped Corn
991. Hearing a story of God's faithfulness to a brother--wanting to demonstrate my faith like he does.
992. Family fun day out shopping after-Christmas sales and burritos for lunch
993. Doing the newspaper crossword puzzle with Hero Husband at Peet's
994. No more bangs in my eyes
995. The joy of reunion with a family we love!
996. Finding so much in common despite our very distinct differences
997. Very memorable meal at Howie's Artisan Pizza!
998. Early morning beauty where I least expected it
999. Looking back over 2011 and seeing God's fingerprints and whispers and love notes EVERYWHERE!!
1000. The love of a Heavenly Father who has given these and countless other graces!
A heartfelt thank you to these generous bloggerswho make these communities available!
