Up the Sunbeam

-- I don't ever remember not believing in Jesus. I always knew the stories in my storybook Bible were different than stories in other storybooks--these stories were really true. I knew that Jesus was real and Santa was . . . well . . . real in a different way, and that Santa loved Jesus too. There was no "wink, wink, this is a fun game we're playing" expression when we talked about Jesus. I knew that God created everything in six days . . . six evening-and-morning days . . . and on the seventh day He rested. I knew that when the Bible said that God saved Noah and his family and the animals from the flood, protecting them in Noah's ark, it was really true that the whole earth was flooded. Story after story came alive for me, and I really did know the difference between fairy tales and the truth.  I was abundantly blessed with parents who faithfully read these stories to me, explained them with love and reverence, and lived the truth of them every day in...

-- The woman in the pew in front of me had a distracting habit of rocking back and forth as though she were soothing a baby to sleep. I had to work to turn my attention from my annoyance at her rocking and focus my attention above and beyond her to the guest speaker. He had an engaging style, and had thoughtfully provided fill-in-the-blank notes for his sermon, which was a welcome way to pay attention to him and not the rocking woman I couldn't NOT see. His topic this morning was utterly familiar, much-studied, well-known . . . and woefully under-practiced, both inside and outside of the church. He spoke about LOVE. The visiting seminary professor brought a message that was both convicting AND uplifting (evidence of his giftedness), and he highlighted many points of truth about love and our responsibility that are absolutely crucial to our lives in Christ. While I will continue to chew on the meaty goodness of this message, there was one idea he shared that really sparked my...

I would like to think that peer pressure only afflicts teenagers. But it doesn't. It jumps up and grabs my heels every once in awhile and afflicts a decidedly post-teen me.  It clings with a tenacity that surprises me, and I find myself fighting to regain my equilibrium.  I stop and look at it to see what is trying to make me move in a direction of it's own choosing.  More surprise!  The peer pressure is emanating from the voices of other Christians I admire. I have been reading words and hearing admonitions written and spoken by people I truly follow as they follow Jesus; words full of truth and light and . . . Him.  'Yes!' I think, 'I agree with much of their thinking . . . So w hy do I feel so uneasy? Is this disconcerted feeling a good thing, or not?' This time I think not. Then comes the questioning, wondering if I'm on the wrong side of what they are saying.  Wait . . . c onviction is a disconcerting feeling . . . is that what this is? ...

Weighed in the balance and found wanting . . . found wanting . . . found wanting . . . Wow! Who turned up the reverb?  :) This is the loop that plays and plays and plays in my mind as I look across the scales of perfectionism at that ideal me over there on the other side.  Why can't I be like her, like the me I want to be?!! SLIM, ATHLETIC, HEALTHY AND IN SHAPE BEAUTIFUL FACE, HAIR, MAKEUP, CLOTHES ALWAYS ON TIME, NEVER FORGETS PRIORITIZES PERFECTLY, NEVER PROCRASTINATES ALWAYS PREPARED, EVEN FOR THE UNEXPECTED ALWAYS KNOWS WHAT TO SAY ALWAYS LIVES UP TO HER POTENTIAL OVERCOMES OBSTACLES AS THOUGH THERE WEREN'T ANY ACHIEVES EVERY GOAL, ACCOMPLISHES EVERY DREAM ALWAYS HAS MEALS READY, GOURMET AND ON TIME AMAZINGLY TALENTED WRITER, PHOTOGRAPHER, TOO HUMBLE TO THINK SO WRITES BOOKS THAT CHANGE LIVES SUCCESSFUL BUSINESSWOMAN WITH SIX-FIGURE PROFITS HAS A SPOTLESS HOUSE, LAUNDRY ALWAYS DONE NEVER HAS ANYTHING TO BE SORRY FOR NEVER INCONVENIENCES ANYONE, NEVER LETS ANYONE DOWN PE...

-- I find myself feeling rusty at the keyboard, out of practice, unsure if I still know how . . . wondering many things I don't want to give words to for fear of sounding pathetic.  But the truth I am wrestling with will not let me leave it at that!  I am made for more than self-doubt and fear of failure--both are born of pride and neither is at home in the heart of anyone who is both image-bearer and daughter of the one true God. Esther and Isaiah are on my mind as I write.  Esther, an ordinary Jewish girl suddenly found herself in the palace of a foreign king, about to be his new queen.  She believed Mordecai when he told her she was made "for such a time as this." (Esther 4:14 NIV) She risked everything to save her people, and DID.  Isaiah the prophet found himself face to face with the pre-incarnate Christ, and said "Here am I, send me." (Isaiah 6:8 NIV)   The mind-blower is that Isaiah didn't even know what the mission was when he committed himsel...