Up the Sunbeam: If I Had Been a Mother Before I Was a Child

I think this was about 1966 in Iowa getting my first riding lesson from my Mommy!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

If I had been a mother before I was a child

Oh what a different child I would have been.

I would have gone to sleep at bedtime, no fighting

I would have only called “Mommy,” when I had something to say

And I would have limited the number of consecutive “Why’s”

To three instead of three hundred

I would have done the dishes without groaning

And I would have cleaned up my room without being asked

I would have appreciated you so much more, and

Recognized your sacrifices, and your amazing patience.

If I had been a mother before I was a child

I wouldn’t have been the child I was.

I wouldn’t have missed the bus so you had to

Walk with me the two miles to school and back

I wouldn’t have put off doing my term paper

Until the night before it was due

I wouldn’t have turned your hair grey with so many bumps

And bruises and rushed trips to the doctor

I wouldn’t have expected things that others never have

That you gave because you wanted to.

But then again, if I had been a mother before I was a child,

And if I had been so different

I would have taken away the moments when you loved me most,

When you loved me with your life.

At the core of true love is sacrifice, not of yourself

But of selfishness. You were never selfish, Mom.

Now that I’m a mother, I’m learning how much it cost you to

Be the mother you are. “Thank you” isn’t enough, but I’m trying

To love my children the way you have loved me. You know Mom,

They’re glad that I was your child before I was their mother.

I wrote these words for my amazing mother 12 years ago when my kids were 8 and 3 and I was in the midst of a more demanding phase of motherhood. Every dawning morning brought a new realization that being a mom takes all you've got . . . all the time . . . and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

In memories of myself as a child I recall the ways my brothers and I tested my mother's mettle and remember too . . .

. . . her unshakeable grace under pressure, like the time she got the call from my 5th grade teacher telling her I had passed out in his class after falling off the monkey bars--one of a number of trips to the ER to make sure I was in one piece . . .

. . . her deep, deep reservoir of patience, like the night she found out I had left my 6th grade report on Belgium until bedtime the night before it was due--she made it clear that I WOULD turn in that paper ON TIME, WELL-DONE . . . and she would lovingly, without resentment, stay up until 3 or 4 in the morning typing it for me and helping me learn the price of procrastination . . .

. . . and her toughness (when she knew that's what I needed) like the day she made me tough it out and ride in a horse show after badly slamming my thumb in a locked car door. I thought she was completely heartless to make me ride when I felt every heartbeat and hoof-beat like a hammer in my thumb. She stood her ground and made me so mad I found my grit and went out there and rode my very best . . . Okay, FINE! I'll show HER! It didn't occur to me until much later that SHE had shown ME what I was made of!

1981 at my Grad Dance (Prom)

1983 on the trip home from college at Christmas

2005 at our favorite spot on the Ashnola River, British Columbia

Overarching all of her immeasurable investment in mothering her three children, is her abiding commitment to loving God and knowing Him for all she's worth! She consistently studies God's Word and puts it into practice in the laying down of her servant's heart to bless everyone within her sphere of influence. I follow her as she follows Christ!

¹⁶ "Turn to me and have mercy on me;

show your strength in behalf of your servant;

save me, because I serve you

just as my mother did."

2010 in Seaside, OR celebrating my parents' 50th Anniversary

I am beyond thankful for all that you are to me Mommy! I continue to learn from you each and every day and I am constantly inspired by the way you walk with God and love people. I still want to be just like you when I grow up!! I love you so much!!

Happy Mother's Day!!

_________________________________

Joining Ann Voskamp in counting His graces for her Multitudes on Monday

I hope you'll join in if you haven't already!

In the counting of the endless gifts I say with C. S. Lewis,

"This also is Thou!"

#476-490

476. Knowing that our brave military is so outstanding at keeping us safe.
477. Seeing evil dealt with in justice . . . finally.
478. Jehovah Jireh!
479. An offer from a sister-in-Christ to be an alongside one
480. Completing my TENTH year of Bible Study Fellowship and all the women who have blessed my life with their insight and love and true fellowship!
481. Eyes that know enough to close in sleep even if I don't!
482. Recording session with Drummer Boy sans angst!
483. Few words, deep heart and memories of Grandpa Hitchings
484. Kingdom kinship and a friend found in a stranger
485. Lessons learned from horse whisperers and equine teachers
486. Soft hands on the reins and an easy yoke
487. She So Sweet and her *friend* dressed up and looking so nice together
488. Tasting samples at Costco with She So Sweet
489. More wonderful wisdom from my favorite team of teachers!

490. THE BEST MOTHER EVER!! aka Grandma Grizzly =)